I'm up earlier than usual this morning. 4:45am, to be exact. Per my normal routine, I stayed in bed checking my phone for a bit before I let the dog out. While thumbing through my Facebook feed, I happened upon a piece written by my friend Wendy Miller.
It's called, "I Asked A Holocaust Survivor, What’s The Point Of Life?"
With my eyes still adjusting to the light of the phone, I pressed the link.
And I'm beyond grateful that I did.
This year has required us to dig deeper than we have in a very long time. It's required us to process pain and fear that we never saw coming. And it forced me to do something I didn't want to do—slow down. I'd become accustomed to running around at warp speed like most of us entrepreneurs do without realizing it.
Even my intuition told me I had to slow down, but until I was forced to pump the brakes, I didn't. It's easier to run in circles than to sit quietly feeling all of the feelings.
This morning while reading Wendy's beautifully written piece, I was reminded that I needed to come back into balance again. I was off-kilter.
As happens with all of us, things show up in life to help us see just how far we've come. This happened to me two weeks ago. I faced something I hadn't had to face in a long time—a trigger that opened the door for me to set boundaries. A trigger that brought up visceral memories of abuse I endured at one point in my life.
This time, I chose to stand up for myself and employ boundaries and distance, something I didn't do as easily or quickly in the past. For that, I'm grateful, but I also realized that on top of all of the feelings that come with 2020, the emotional energy of what I recently endured was still coating everything in my life.
Until I read what Wendy's neighbor, a holocaust survivor, said was the meaning of life.
Now, I won't ruin that for you by telling you what she said because I want you to check it out for yourself, but I will say that her words helped me wipe clean the dark, sticky coating of pain and anger that was dampening my ability to find joy.
And it reminded me that choosing happiness has everything to do with how we look at life.
As my brilliant friend, Rachael Wolff, would say/ask, "Are you coming from a place of fear, lack, and separation or from a place of love?"
I had tailspun into a place of fear and lack.
I know it's incredibly hard to not live in a place of fear right now. Fear of COVID. Fear of loss. Fear for our safety and security. Fear for our kids who are struggling so much right now. Fear for our family and friends, and the world in general.
But there is always light if we choose to look for it. And if we choose to take stock in what we're grateful for and what we can do to help others—no matter how big or small.
I believe that choosing light over dark starts with how you see the world and your place in it.
And what you read at 4:45am in the morning.
(Thank you, Wendy.)
Wendy Miller's article on MEDIUM:
My personal website where I write about healing from abuse:
Mod Mom Blog